Academy

Knowing and Setting Limitations

When people think of fetishism, they often picture only what they’ve seen in movies, pornography, and tabloid talk shows. However, the worlds of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism are all very diverse and typically are nothing like the laughable show on television. One of the most important rules adhered to by those trained in these fetish arts is the need to negotiate and set limitations in any relationship involving any of these penchants for sexual play.

While many individuals who participate in such acts expect a modicum of pain or other extreme stimulation, those inflicting this stimulation must be prepared to accept a limit to which they will need to adhere as well as be alert in case the submissive in the session needs to communicate a need to slow down or stop.

Unlike the message that is portrayed by tabloids, BDSM is rarely dangerous and does not always include any kind of discipline or pain infliction. It doesn’t have to include processes of humiliation either. Depending upon an individual’s preferences, it may simply be a matter of taking or giving orders, role playing, or receiving intense but not painful stimulation. The idea is to determine what YOU as an individual wish to receive from one of these relationships and make sure that boundaries are understood and respected.

Under many circumstances, dominance and submission includes little, if any, physical stimulation. In truth, the real attraction to this type of fetish play is mental stimulation. To some, the idea of being or having a slave or servant is enough of a fantasy to excite the senses. This often includes some type of role play where, for example, the master is a homeowner and the submissive party is a maid or pool cleaner. The limitations are negotiated and set prior to entering into the roles.

For example, the pool cleaner in this may wish to be “punished” for not completing a proper cleaning of the pool. However, this individual (pool cleaner in this example) should dictate what should be considered a punishment and arouses them and what is too violent and should not be included in their scene. Is whipping acceptable? Should tools like whips be used, or are any such objects beyond the realm of what is seen as exciting?

Some of this information should be determined prior to even meeting for a role playing session, as it can affect the desire of the other party to meet. You would want to be in a partnership with someone who shares your views on limitations and respects your wishes as much as their own.

In situations where bondage is to be a part of the session, it is especially important to let the dominant party know your limitations and be able to totally trust that individual to do as you ask prior to subjecting yourself to him or her. Once you are bound, you are unable to defend yourself. Instead you are completely at the mercy of your Dom/me. While this may be desirable, you have to know that your partner will understand signals to slow down or even stop the role play if you are being hurt or becoming anxious.