The Submissive Training Mini-Course
Before getting started into techniques, it’s usually good to have an idea of what the end result should look like. Having a map or an idea of what makes a good submissive, can not only help to improve your submission, but help you better understand yourself as a submissive/slave, so you can more easily obey and make your Dominant happy.
To come up with a list of what makes a good submissive, I have interviewed countless Dominants and had them share their opinions on what makes a good submissive and worthy of being allowed to serve. I have only added the opinions that were commonly found among the large majority of Dominants.
There is no one absolutely right way to be submissive, there is what feels right for you and what your Dominant wants in a submissive. These are just suggestions a submissive can work on to improve themselves. You can incorporate what you like or none of it, the choice is yours. As submission is about choosing.
In no particular order:
Respectful – Every submissive in this world should demand and deserve respect from their Dominant. However, the best way to be respected is to show your Dominant respect. As a submissive you should come from a place of giving, so give your Dominant respect and see it paid in return 10 fold. If your Dominant does not return your respect then it is just an indicator that they are not the right Dominant and don’t have a full understanding of their position and role.
Polite – This very much goes hand-in-hand with respect. Why as a Dominant would I want to deal with a rude submissive? A submissive wants their Dominant to provide them the life they have dreamed of and in return some submissives feel impolite behavior is a good way to say thank you. Be polite, be respectful! Dominating a submissive is not an easy task. It is very hard to give a sub what they truly want while ensuring their safety both physically and emotionally. Being polite and respectful makes that job much easier to handle.
Being polite and respectful should not be reserved just for your Dominant. One key factor you must remember is that every time you step out your front door you are representing yourself, your training and your Dominant. Being rude and disrespectful to others not only looks bad on you, but it looks very bad on your Dominant. Make your Dominant proud by showing him and everybody who enters your life how well behaved you are.
Honest – A Dominant needs your honesty to be able to Dominate you and know they are not hurting or harming you in any way shape or form. If you lie and hold things back, your Dominant will never truly be able to Dominate you. If you are not honest with yourself, and your Dominant, how can you expect your Dominant to be able to give you what it is that you desire?
Also if you are not honest about whether or not you are being pushed too hard, if something hurts too much or if anything is wrong mentally or physically you are asking for trouble. Your Dominant needs honest feedback and communication. Your Dominant needs to know that what they are doing is what you truly want. Remember to share respectful, polite honest feedback, not rude, shout the first thing off the top of your head type of feedback.
Good Communicator – Much of what a submissive does is listen and learn from their Dominant. Incorporating Domination/submission into your life is not an easy task. There will be many frustrations. You will become upset with yourself, with your training and even with your Dominant. A good way to avoid arguments, frustrations and becoming upset is by being honest and communicating with your Dominant.
One thing you need to remember is that everybody in this world learns differently and at different speeds. A good Dominant will understand this and adjust your training accordingly. However, they will not be able to do that if you do not communicate with them about yourself, your submissive desires and the way you learn.
Open – A good submissive is always open to the idea that they are never perfect and are always learning. Whether it’s a new way to serve your Dominant or a concept on how to improve yourself to become a better submissive, staying open to learning is essential. Being open to your Dominant, your submissive desires and your submissive training is the only way you will be able to learn and grow. Always learn as much as you can, keep what suits you and cast away what doesn’t, but always be open to learning.
Supportive – A good Dominant will always be the shoulder for you to lean on and give you the help you need to grow as a person and as a submissive. While a Dominant can seem strong and confident at all times, that does not mean that they don’t need your support both mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s tough being strong all the time especially when things don’t seem like they ever go right. Having a submissive who is willing to stick with a Dominant through the tough times and give them the support they need a true blessing.
Can Admit And Accept A Mistake – We are all human, and as humans we all make mistakes. During training your Dominant will point out many of the mistakes you make. Eventually there will come a time when you think that you don’t seem to be able to do anything right. This is all part of the learning process. You are learning to serve your Dominant and since you are not a mind reader there will be lots of trial and error. Instead of beating yourself up and dwelling on your mistakes, use those mistakes as learning tools. One of the best ways to grow in life is when you are uncomfortable and making mistakes. Sometimes the discomfort created can be the motivation you may need to make the changes you want. Embrace those feelings, write them down if necessary and learn from them.
Trust – Being submissive can be very dangerous, especially if you put your trust in the wrong person. If you let the wrong person tie you up, the consequences can be devastating. It’s important that you take your time to determine that the Dominant you choose to serve is trustworthy. With that said, if your Dominant has proven themselves trustworthy and has only shown to have your best interests at heart, then to have a healthy loving relationship you need to have some form of trust with them.
If you cannot learn to trust your Dominant then you should not be in service to them. If you can not trust at all, you should not be in service at all. You first must have the ability to trust others before you can ever learn to serve or be submissive. However, do not blindly trust anybody, only trust those that have earned your trust.
Trustworthy – Your Dominant may not be risking as much as you in the relationship but they still need to know that they can trust you with their life and the relationship the both of you will share.
A Dominant needs to know they can trust you to be open and honest about your thoughts, feelings and emotions. They need to trust that you will always be capable of discussing any issues that may arise with your training or with any particular BDSM activities you both choose to partake in no matter how upset you might be. They need to trust that you will try your best to work through any mental or emotions blocks you may have with them and not pull away to suffer in silence. This list can go on forever, but the point is that while you must trust your Dominant, your Dominant needs to be able to trust you as well.
Confidence – Many people think being submissive is a sign of weakness. Chances are because many people who have little to no confidence display a beta personality which can be seen as submissive or subservient. However, there is a big difference between being submissive and having no confidence. In fact, a submissive will be in capable of service if they do not have confidence in themselves and their submission. Nobody wants to Dominate a submissive with no confidence.
Loyal – Choosing to be submissive to a Dominant is a beautiful gift. It is truly breathtaking to see a submissive open, vulnerable and happy to be in your service. However, the gift does lose a bit of its luster when a submissive has no loyalty to their Dominant. One might say loyalty should be absolutely essential for any submissive. How can a submissive choose to serve when their heart is not really in it?
Dedication – If you are choosing to enter into service, then you need to dedicate yourself to the choice you have made. It’s very confusing watching a submissive go back and forth on whether they want to serve or not. While life will always get in the way of service (work, family, bills, etc) when you have time you need to be dedicated! You may be tired, hungry, and/or preoccupied, but if you choose to enter into service then you need to realize that service does not always come at the perfect time. It’s your dedication that will see you through those tough times and help to strengthen your submission and your bond.
Kind And Considerate – It should be no surprise that many Dominants appreciate a kind and considerate submissive. Not only does it make dealing with a submissive so much more pleasant, but just being around a kind and considerate person helps to put a smile on your face. Also having a kind and considerate submissive always look good representing a Dominant when out in the world.
Empathy And Sympathy – Requesting someone to Dominant you is asking them to take on a very difficult life. They are going to have to relearn much of what they already know in life. There are many difficulties both mentally and physically and a Dominant can experience many pitfalls along the way. A submissive needs to be empathetic, understanding and supportive if a Dominant goes through these challenges. This empathy will create an unbreakable bond. If you cannot find empathy within yourself, you will find a very strained relationship between you and your Dominant, especially during times that should be bonding the both of you together.
Find Pleasure from Pleasing – Some might say this is the core to a submissive. It’s also what many Dominants enjoy the most about a submissive. There is nothing like seeing the twinkle in the eye of a submissive that is serving their Dominant and is enjoying every minute of it purely from the thought that what they are doing is pleasing their Dominant.
Gratitude – A good Dominant will be highly selective about the submissive/s they choose to allow in their service. In return a submissive should feel honored and grateful for being allowed to serve their Dominant. Show gratitude, be thankful for all the time, and energy your Dominant dedicates to you and your training.
Please notice throughout this entire article I have mentioned providing these characteristics to a “good Dominant.” A Dominant/submissive relationship is not a submissive giving everything and the Dominant taking all of it because they have decided to call themselves a Dominant. A Dominant needs to give just as much as the submissive and these good submissive characteristics must be earned from you, the submissive.
Don’t give your submission away freely. Choosing to enter into service should never be taken lightly, so be picky about who you choose to hand your submission too. Don’t bow down to just anybody who calls themselves a Dominant. Take your time to make sure they are worthy of your submission, before you choose to give them your all.
Choose Your Dominant Wisely But Love Them Deeply When They Treat You Right
Your Dominant has the duty of caring for you and providing what is right for you and what you need to feel fulfilled and happy in your life. You have the same responsibilities in return.
I hope this helped to explain that the best way to improve your submission or become a better submissive is by in improving the strength and character of the person you are. Work first on yourself and then you will be able to focus on someone else. If you think you already know that, then you have barely scratched the surface.
Did Part 3 of the free e-course help you to learn more about yourself and your submission?
Part 4 will be arriving in a couple of days!
In the mean time, take a moment to read about how The BDSM Training Program can teach you the best kept secrets of submissive training (using our step-by-step instructional manual, pictures, and diagrams). You don’t need a Dominant just yourself and your desire to learn. Read more about the program click here!
To Your Journey,
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